When I was a baby, plagued by colic, for some reason, they discovered there was comfort for me in my Daddy’s young hairy chest.  He would lie down on the bed, with me there, on his chest, place his foot against the footboard, and sway the bed to comfort me.  He told me many times he fell asleep and would wake up still rocking the bed by his foot on the footboard.

Since I was supposed to be a boy, the best I could manage was to be a "tom" boy.  So, I tracked along, anywhere he would let me go; fishing, hunting, working on the car, mowing the lawn.  I loved it all.  And, while we were on the way, in the car, we sang.  There were a lot of good songs in the 30's and 40's, and we did them all.  I never even thought about the fact that we were singing love songs.  They were just some that we liked.

In my baby days, Daddy and Mother would take me and a stick of Dentine chewing gum to the movies.  Ten cents!  I was quiet and good, when I could taste that dentine chewing gum every little bit.  Whatever the theme song was, by the time we got home, Mother would touch the piano keys and play the song while Daddy sang it.  All that came early to me and to two sisters, later on.

I learned to bait my own hook and shoot my own gun.  And when the day came for me to purchase a car, my Daddy found a pretty good body and motor.  Though, he required my help putting the motor in the car!  It was an old streamlined Pontiac, with leopard interior and Indian red two tone paint; a stick shift.  I will admit, most of what I did was hand him the tools.  But, I learned a little.

But, from the infant colic days 'til I was all grown up, the music went on.  As far as I was concerned, Bing couldn’t hold a candle to my Dad.  We sang "Goldmine In The Sky",  "Old Buttermilk Sky",  "Far Away Places",  "Memories",  "The Last Mile Home", "Always",  "Sweetheart of Sigma Chi",  "My Happiness",  "Near You",  "Cruising Down the River",  "That Old Gang of Mine",  "Five and Ten Cent Store",  "Mexicali Rose", Melancholy Baby",  "Shanty In Old Shanty Town",  "I Love You, Truly",  "Tea for Two", "Blue Room",  "Blue Moon",  "Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree",  "White Cliffs of Dover", - it would take an encyclopedia to hold them all!

On one trip in the car, when I was in my forties, Daddy, Mother and I sang a good 3 hours, together; never stopping, never repeating a single song.  And then, there were the hymns - all the standards, plus many more.  And, we sang them all, over and over again.

Daddy said he knew he wanted to marry Mother when he was 15 years old.  He lived with his grandparents, and, that year, he went to California to lay steel.  He was small (98 lbs., 5'10).  But, the work, that summer, and a growing spurt brought him home at 160 lbs , 5'11".  While he was working, he wrote the words to a popular song off in a letter to Mother, "How Deep Is The Ocean".

"How much do I love you?
I’ll tell you no lie....How deep is the Ocean, How high is the sky?
How many times a day do I think of you?
How many roses are sprinkled with dew?
How far would I journey, to be where you are?
How far is a journey, from here to a star?
And, if I ever lost you, how much would I cry?
How deep is the ocean?
How high is the sky?"

Daddy wasn’t sexy.  He was romantic and, all my parents lives, it was that way.  When they were 75, Mother told me he would want her to lay her head on his arm and he would pat her shoulder and say, "Mama, you’re so pretty!"

In the last month of his life, he was in his chair, dreaming of his yesterdays; reminiscing old times, hating to leave us.  This time, he was recalling the fishing trips we had taken together. He said, "I guess I won’t do that, again.  But, I can dream, can’t I?"

I looked at him a minute and, then, sang softly, "I can see ..." (He joined me, then.) "no matter how near you be, you’ll never belong to me.  But, I can dream, can’t I?  Can’t I pretend that I’m locked in the bend of your embrace.?  For, dreams are just like wine and I am drunk with mine.  I’m aware, my heart is a sad affair.  There’s much dissolution there. But, I can dream, can’t I?  Can’t I ... adore you?  Although we are oceans apart, I can’t make you open your heart. But, I Can Dream, Can’t I?"

A very romantic song.  Though a little complicated, he sang every word.  It was our last song together.

He left us in February, 1995.  I’d still like to say, "Happy Father’s Day." Years gone by ~ and I’d like to ask, "Am I doing alright?"

He was so young when I was born, only 18.  Not having a family, he married Mother and made his own home.

One day, when he was nearing the end, my husband came to his bed and said, "Dale, I’ll make a deal with you.  If I get to Heaven first, I’ll wait at the gate and watch for you.  If you get there first, will you wait for me too?"  Daddy (a very conservative man) raised his trembling arm up in the air and raised his chin, to affirm the deal.

Daddy was a good man.  I will always, always, miss him.

© 2003 by Joan Clifton Costner
http://underhiswings0.tripod.com