'O God, please don't take him now! I'm not ready to let go.  I'm not sure he's saved and I'm not ready for You to take him if he is.  I have so much to say to him.  I don't remember, did I tell him how much I love him when we talked last?  Not now, Lord.  Please, please not yet.

The cold plea continued to go through my head as I drove what seemed to be forever to get to the hospital.  It was that call in the middle of the night that no one is prepared to hear.  It's the call that makes your heart skip a beat and makes your throat hurt to swallow.  It's the call that everyone dreads to receive and no one wants to make.

My dad's heart stopped and he collapsed...my mom dialed 911.  He was transported to the hospital...his heart rate was 20.  Tests, prayer, waiting, tests, prayer, waiting, prayer.  He finally stabilized.

When I arrived at the hospital his room was filled with machines, monitors, and tubes.  My dad lay still...too still.  I watched as his precious heartbeat was displayed on the face of a machine.  I needed to touch his hand and let out a sigh of relief when his fingers wrapped gently around mine.  Thank You Lord for this moment.  Prayers and more prayers were lifted as we waited.

The news was not what I had expected but undergoing surgery to give him an internal pacemaker was the only option given.  Okay, he survived cancer twice, a heart attack, and now another surgery.  This was simply another setback.  Yes, let's do what must be done.

Waiting, prayer, Stat!  Pacemaker, prayer, waiting, stabilized.

Complications occurred from the surgery but Dad was fine.  He rested in his room with more monitors, more machines, more medications; but he was alive and stabilized.

When life throws us a curve ball we tend to retreat.  Too often we forget to step back and view the situation through God's eyes.  We want what we want in the way we want it.  There is no negotiation or room for deviation.  Our prayers should be answered the way we ask.  The way a spoiled child pleads for the last cookie in the jar. God should know what I want, shouldn't He?

Over the next few days, I discovered that God is just and loving.  He may not give us what we ask for but He gives us exactly what we need.  God blessed me with some very precious moments with my dad.  He allowed me to have quiet moments holding my dad's hand, stroking his hair, and telling him all the things I wanted him to know.  I told him what a difference he made in my life.  I told him how much I love him and how proud I am of all he had accomplished.  I told him about Jesus, salvation, and how beautiful heaven must be.  I prayed with him, for him, and for each member of my family.

As the family gathered around his hospital bed and as the priest performed last rights, I held his hand and God blessed me with the most beautiful gift of all.  As my dad slipped from this world into the next I went from comforting my dad to Him comforting me.  My dad died the way he lived for others.  He didn't want us to have to make decisions about his life or death.  He wanted that decision left to the greatest Father of them all our heavenly Father.

In Loving memory of Kenneth M. Gorrell
Take care of my daddy, Jesus!

Love,
Brenda

http://www.InHisPath.com
http://www.BrendaBates.com

Personal thoughts:

The past two weeks have been a blur. I can remember bits and pieces of each day but not one day completely. I miss him so badly it hurts. I want the pain in my gut and heart to go away but not at the expense of washing away those beautiful memories shared in that quiet hospital room. Peace,  rest,  praise,  HOME.  Thanks to all who sent your prayers, thoughts, poetry, scripture, cards, and words of encouragement. You will never know how much comfort each one provided.

Scripture:

My peace I give unto you.  ~John 14:27